One Chapter Closed

I can't express how much of a relief it was to completely get my last post off of my chest.  I think it was a step in the right direction.  I have finally been able to forgive myself, and can honestly say that I didn't struggle all weekend with horrible thoughts TO myself, just struggled with my 2 boys and their attitudes all weekend!

Now that there isn't a secret anymore, and I have this huge weight lifted off of me.  I definitely have an inner drive to fulfill.  I want to LIVE AND KNOW everything that God told us about marriage, about how I should be a Godly Wife in His eyes.  This Sunday my church is doing a "group" called "Making Marriage Matter".  No, I'm not getting married anytime soon.  No, I'm not even thinking about it.  Yes, of course I want to.  But I want it to be right.  I'm sure everyone that has been divorced said the exact same thing about their first marriage.  I want it to be right.  I want it to be forever.  I want it to work.  Well, I've learned that we don't control that.  God does.  So, now I want to be prepared for when I do grace my future husband, my future prince charming.  I want him to know that God has been working in me, through me, for him.
Do I feel weird attending this event?  Absolutely.  My inner thoughts are telling me, "You're not married, you aren't even close yet? Why do you even want to go?  What if you have to tell strangers your story? Pray out loud?"  You see, my thoughts go insane!

So, you see.  I'm going to go to this "group".  Not for the me in the right now, but for my future self.  I'm sure she will thank me later, along with my future hubs.